Bilirubin still high

On Thursday, Elizabeth had another blood draw to gauge how her liver is doing. Her bilirubin was 2.5 on Monday, and had dropped only slightly to 2.3 on Thursday. She is looking less yellowy, though, and hopefully with time the jaundice will continue to improve.

There are three distinct possible causes for Elizabeth's liver to have reduced functioning that we can come up with. The worst would be that there is more cancer growing there, causing bile duct blockages and other malfunctioning. Another possible cause is chemotherapy toxicity causing liver damage. This would mean more time off of therapy (and higher AFP counts while we wait as the cancer grows). The best possible scenario is that the high doses of antibiotics Elizabeth was on while inpatient before Thanksgiving were causing temporary liver problems and that her liver will repair itself as the antibiotics filter through. Dr. Marcio has requested a CT scan to be done before December 8, so hopefully we'll have a better idea of what is going on then. We are praying that Elizabeth's liver continues to improve and that we can get her back on chemotherapy soon. Every day that she is off therapy is another day that the cancer has a chance to grow unchecked. It terrifies me that the medicine that is supposed to help her may also be causing irreparable liver damage. Both her cancer and severe liver damage are fatal. This whole cancer thing is just so unfair.

Elizabeth had a minor breakdown the other day. She just started sobbing in my arms, saying "It's not fair." All I could say is that she's right. It really is not fair. Her morale and typical strong exterior really took a hit when she started losing her hair. Really, the last three weeks have just been really tough. Everything just started happening all at once--the hair, the unexpected hospitalization, more pain, low counts, and not being able to go to school. Things are starting to look up today, though. She is in a really good mood and has been playing a bit outside and in her room. She even asked about going somewhere later today, so those are all good signs.

Christmas is coming and it's always a hard time for me in general. Now that we are faced with the possibility that every holiday that comes could be Elizabeth's last, it is almost unbearable. But, it is coming whether I'm ready for it or not, so I guess it's time to get the house in order, the laundry done, and bring out the decorations. Last year I remember feeling like it was Elizabeth's last Christmas. It was almost tangible. I really believed that it was my last year to Christmas shop for Barbie dolls and pink clothes. So I am incredibly thankful that she is still here and still fighting for her life. Of course, I'm also terrified that this year may be our last with her, but I guess last year showed me that we will just never know when will be her (or our, for that matter) last.

Thank you for your continued prayers. Thank you to everyone who sends Elizabeth Angel mail and Princess e-mails. Now more than ever, since she has been feeling so blue, it has helped so much for her to get your happy messages. Please pray that we see improvement in Elizabeth's liver, and that her strength returns. We are still holding onto hope that Elizabeth stays strong enough to fight this long enough so that she wins.