Elizabeth's Story

Elizabeth's Story

...previously an update for friends & family about Elizabeth Hill and her fight against her childhood cancer acinar cell carcinoma of the pancreas
...now a place for remembering the fiesty princess she was.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Mike got home from Camp Ronald McDonald for Good Times yesterday afternoon. He was there for a week, and had a great time (as always). It was difficult at times, between all the memories of being at Family Camp there with Elizabeth, and the inevitable questions that come with being at a camp for cancer fighters and their siblings ("Are you a survivor or a sibling?" "Oh, how old is your sister?" "How is she now?"). As an added layer, there was a sweet little 9 year old girl there, still on treatment, that reminded Mike of Elizabeth. At one point, he even showed her the picture of Elizabeth he carried in his pocket while he was there. Ever the sensitive one, he never even hinted that Elizabeth died, for fear that he would scare her or make her feel uncomfortable. He is so concientious about how other people will feel about his sister being dead, that sometimes I wonder if he worries half as much about his own feelings. Anyway, it is really good to have him home. I missed him.

Mike will be leaving (yet again!) to go to Tennessee on Wednesday night. He will be visiting his grandparents, cousins, aunt, and uncle and is staying for what seems like an eternity--just over three weeks. Mike will be flying alone (he is almost 13) with help from flight attendants to switch planes at a layover. I am going to be a nervous wreck until I know he is off the plane and safe with Grandpa Terry!!

The other boys are doing well--getting bigger by the day. Danny is getting really tall, but still not talking much. It is time to get a speech specialist involved. We should be able to get some help through the school district in the fall. We had been really concerned a few months ago that there was something more going on (hearing issues or autism), but Danny does try to communicate (although it is using mainly sounds and not discernable words) and he hears and understands everything we tell him. Hopefully with a little help from a speech therapist we can get him on track. He is now officially 2 1/2 years old, and needs to be able to talk.

Matt is jealous that his big brother both got to go to Camp and now is going to Tennessee. Matt will be six in September, so he really is still too young, but that doesn't change how he feels about it. And I can't say I blame him, either... He is starting to take on a lot of the characteristics of the typical middle child. We'll have to find something fun for him to help occupy the rest of the summer.

I've been pretty weepy this past week. Everything reminds me of Elizabeth, and of how much I miss her. She really was incredible--so much older than her years, so much wiser than I ever will be. I miss her silly made up jokes and the way she would write "I love you Mom" on all of her pictures (even the ones she gave to other people). I miss her little girly self, asking for glittery nail polish on her nails and sparkley lip gloss. We had a lot of fun girly time together and taking her to Club Libby Lu for makeovers every now and then was so much fun for both of us. She is simply irreplaceable and I guess I am starting to realize that nothing is going to make this empty feeling any better. It is always going to be there. I guess it is just how we learn to live with it that makes this experience different for every family dealing with losing a child. Believe me, there are still plenty of days that I am really angry, too. We're okay, but we'd be better if Elizabeth were still alive.

I'll start teaching on August 20, but I'm in training still full time until then. There is a lot of prep work involved and I keep hearing that the first year of teaching is "the hardest thing you'll ever do"--while I can dispute that it is the hardest thing I'll ever do (I think holding Elizabeth in my arms as she died tops anything else by miles), I'm sure it won't be a cake-walk. So even when I'm home, I'm doing a lot of prep-work. I have the unique situation of taking over classes 6 weeks into the school year, so that will be its own challenge. Not that I'm complaining--"challenge" is such a relative term and honestly I am rather sure that I can face anything head on, with the exception of anything bad happening to the boys. That said, if anyone out there has found great science resources (books, websites), please email me with the info. I'm trying to build my library of ideas and I'm taking suggestions...

Enjoy the rest of the summer! Elizabeth loved the beach in summertime. I'm sad that we aren't sharing our love for everything oceanic together, but I hope that in time her brothers will happily remember beach times with her when we go and that it won't be as sad. Hug your kids and remember to tell them how much you love them. We had the gift of knowing we were losing Elizabeth and we got to tell her what we wanted--not everyone has that chance.

2 Comments:

At 5:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Emilie~
Just want to send you a hug and tell you how impressed I am with you and your family. I am always wishing you all the best! You are very special people. Keep letting your light shine and remember that Princess Elizabeth is part of what makes your light shine so bright. Love lives on!!! XOXO Tina in MA

 
At 7:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am happy to hear that Mikey is enjoying a long summer. I called him to tell him I finished Harry Potter, adn left a message, and camp explains that. Maybe next year, I'll be a counselor while he's there.
And I know this isn't a long term activity, but I can talk to Erik and see if he would like to hang out with Matt sometime soon. I know that Matt really likes Erik and Erik shares the feeling. He's out of town, but I'll ask when he gets back.

 

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